I have been writing in this blog for a year and 3 months, give or take a few weeks or so, and in that time much about my life has changed, much about my life has not.

I broke up with Leah after some 14 months or so, after thinking that I would be alone for some time, I found myself with another wonderful person in Ashley. We have been together for some five months off and on now. Actually pretty close to six months now. To me my life then, and my life now is very different.

But then I take a look and see that at the same time that I think my life is very different, it is again much the same. Very much the same. I live in Albuquerque, New Mexico, in a house that I bought at the ripe old age of 24, in the severe outskirts of town, in an area that seems to betray my progressive sensibilities (Build that Paseo through those Petroglyphs, I need a better way to get home). I still work for the company that my grandfather, my hero in many ways, started after a long and fruitful career as a scientist. I still struggle with the notion that the ideas that I had when I agreed to come out here and, in a way sacrifice my career, have slowly faded into fiction, into dreams that I no longer objectively think I can achieve. I am still struggling with my own demons, demons of inadequacy, demons of guilt, and demons of fear.

Why do I mention all of this in a blog that I have kept mostly to politics, and rants along those ideological lines? Well because I want to say that the reason I started this blog was to give myself an outlet to prove to myself that I could produce something that I was truly proud of. That I could, on a regular basis, write from my heart, from my mind, in a way that could somehow prove to myself that I had validity that I had something to say, that I could make a difference, in some small way. Whether it occur through highlighting an obscure story that would fall through the cracks or rather fall outside of the filter that I believe alot of people have on information absorption, or whether it occur simply by pure persuasion of ideas.

I really believed that I could show people who maybe weren't completely sure if our president was doing what was right for this country. I really believed that I could, through regular introduction, convince people that our president was NOT doing what was right for our fine country.

I have apparently failed to convince enough people. The results of the last election really took the fervor out of my biting cynicism. I have been struggling ever since to regain that. I implore anyone who may have stumbled onto this small slice of the internet to go back to July, August, September of 2004 in my archives, to read the passion and thought that I put into nearly every blog post. Please don't judge this blog by my performance as of late.

So what this brings me to, is I am not sure what the future of this blog is. Maybe it has more to do with where I am than where this country is, after all we are in a time where shrub's approval ratings are at all time lows, and when a grand jury investigation is about to possibly reveal indictments for some of shrub's top brass, when the new media seems to MAYBE be growing a back bone, and serving their intended purpose as a watchdog fourth estate to call the guys in charge out on the mat, to prevent us from becoming what our founders fled, when more people seem to be realizing that the direction this country is heading in is a devastating one.

So I am torn. I have much more to say, and I believe that exciting times in politics are coming. I want to believe that I can somehow prove to myself that my discourse is worth conferring. I want to believe that I have a purpose.

So WHERE is this country heading? Tomorrow, I will try to answer that.